Sometimes · we · dance...

where i constantly am stressed and having panic attacks. haha. welcome to the school year.

So far, UWM is pretty excellent. I love the campus and the people here are so much nicer than they were at Marquette... although I did meet a lot of nice Marquette people last night. But whatev. That is beside the point.

I'm really bad at math. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

So basically I'm insane. This semester of school I am taking 15 credits... doesn't really sound like much, but for the first month of school I also have 3 jobs. Miller Park is almost over so that's not too bad, but I'm still working at Heinemanns and I got a new job at Jimmy John's being a delivery driver. It's really fun, but if I have to work closing shift (til 3 in the morning) a lot it's going to be the end of me. I stress myself out a lot. I'm just cool like that I guess.

Lots of drama is going on right now... mostly at Heinemanns. That's exciting.

Man, I'm in such a bleh mood today. It sucks ass.

One more class at noon, lunch with jay, work at Heini's 4-8:30ish, work at Jimmy John's 10-3:30ish. Class at 9 tomorrow morning. Can't wait until I can take a nap tomorrow afternoon before I go to Miller Park.

Alright, I guess I should pack up and get goin' to class. Mer....

I just wanted to say that last night was absolutely amazing. I picked up Jess after work and we headed down to Jazz in the Park with a sleeping bag and a bottle of wine. We found a really great spot next to some friends of hers and they even shared their food with us!! Jess and I finished our bottle of Shiraz in about a half hour. Rick and Brittany (people I play volleyball with) showed up and then Kristi and her fiance showed up too!!! Jess and I left shortly after they got there because we had to go pick up some beer. So we went to the Metro Market to pick up some PBR and some chips, we went to the bathroom and then headed down to the lake. We planted ourselves on the grass in Veterans park and just drunk beer, ate chips and talked. The rest of the gang (Rick, Brittany, Kristi and fiance) showed up too and we all got to watch the fireworks together. I took Jess home, we drank one more beer together (just want you all to know that Jess bought a 12 pack, and only had 1 left) and then I came home and passed out. I haven't slept THAT well in a long time. Anyway, it was good. Hooray for summer and downtown milwaukee and friends!!!

I don't remember what day it was last week, but I was working at Miller Park and I was sort of watching the Brewers warm up and stuff before the gates opened. I'm good friends with the head usher, Sullivan, so he came over and started talkin' with me. I was telling him how much I loved Derrick Turnbow and he was like "Just go down and talk to him. He's a really cool guy." So I was being all girly and nervous about it, but I went down there. Sure enough, Turnbow came over, shook my hand, and we talked for like a minute. I also got his autograph. I was about ready to faint. I was SO excited. So anyway, that was pretty awesome. The End.

First I'm told to let me feelings out.
Now I'm not.

Fuck the world.

On the plus side, I got to talk to my best friend today. It felt good.
It's been way too long. I miss him.

"For what it's worth, I've always admired you
I always thought that we could make it through
Now look what time can do
It took our masterpiece we built and broke it in two
I always believed in you
I always loved you

And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same"

I was really bored in theatre history class today and just started writing, so here ya go, folks!! not really sure if there is a direction to any of this, but whatev.

It is true what they say that those who love us hurt us the most. in the same manner, we tend to hurt those whom we love the most. The root of this hurt mostly comes from taking what we love for granted. This selfish feeling is true of enemies, friends, life and love.
Life is a selfish wasteland. Needs, desires and ambitions seem to interfere with what should be most focused on. I'm not saying in any way that it is wrong to have ambitions, needs, wants or desires, but when these feelings take full control of one's life, there is little room for thinking about what is most important.
I'm a lover. I'm a dreamer. A lyrical soul. A wandering spirit. A question desperately searching for the best answer. I, myself, cannot answer this question or find the solution. I may never find what I'm looking for, but damnit! I want to live my life trying!
As Ferris Bueller said, "Life moves pretty fast and if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you are going to miss it." How true it is. So much has happened in life. So many moments wasted and so many mistakes made. I don't regret anything. It has taken me a LONG time to learn and understand regret. I have done numerous things worth of regret, but where will that get me? Absolutely nowhere. Push forward. Live each day to the fullest. No day but today. Although I've lived my life making mistakes, and will continue to make mistakes for as long as I am on this earth, I will know that I've lived with my mistakes, and more importantly, I have lived.

...and then class ended.

"Bound To Happen"

I used to know you like the back of my hand
Until today you held your place
Now you're shifting like the sand
Your chest would heave with pride if I were spoken of
'Till tonight I never knew the difference between comfort and love

Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be

This is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same

I used to hold you like it's all that I had
Now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad
Your mouth would crack a smile if I were spoken of
'Till tonight you never thought
you'd lose this epic battle with love

Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be

And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same

For what it's worth, I've always admired you
I always thought that we could make it through
Now look what time can do
It took our masterpiece we built and broke it in two
I always believed in you
I always loved you

And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same